Don’t try to understand
How does it come that we always think we know what someone else is feeling or what would be the best for him?
We are constantly trying to find the blind spot of everybody — except for us. Somehow we have this idea to know what the other person should do. I guess it’s part of a relationship — all human relationships — to mirror the other person. Often we just want to help. Use our perspective — not being involved too much. Not being the center of a problem.
But we are the center of another problem — our problems. It’s crazy how we always think what the other person should do differently. Rather thinking this way, we should look much more often at us.
It’s much harder to see mistakes and bad behavior on ourselves. Most of the time we just can’t get any distance and perspective needed. We are trying to understand our problems and behavior. This might sound like the way to go. Indeed, isn’t our mind the problem in the first place? What do I mean by that?
Who is causing these problems? Our problems. I guess, us. Who is ‘us’ — or what we understand as ‘us’? Our ego? Our ego is a direct result of our mind, isn’t it?
No matter how hard we try, we are trying to solve the problem with the same ‘thing’ causing the problem.
Don’t get fooled by the idea you are feeling things and don’t think that much. As soon as a feeling is coming up we usually start to think. We judge it. Is it a good or a bad feeling? We put it in relation to us, other feelings, other persons and so on…
The worst part is we don’t admit this to ourselves. We identify with our feelings and even our problems. We identify with our past. Our wounds. Who would we be without them? Therefore we protect them. Even they harm us.
Knowing this, try to step back more often. You know shit. Don’t think you know what the other person should do. Instead, focus on yourself. What is it you are not seeing on yourself? You might be surprised. It might be a hell of a lot.