I lost it

Here we go.


I’m totally lost.


Not sure what to think. What to feel. Just wondering, how the fuck did I get to this point?


I’m not complaining. Not even wallow in self-pity. Just stunned. I really tried. That’s all I can say.


I went with my girlfriend to Canada. Had to broke up, because it wasn’t working. Even I still wanted it so much. Went back to Berlin. After a short while — with more clearance — I realized I wanted that girl so much. I told her. She felt similar — at least this is what she said. Next, I flying back to her.

It’s day 6. I’m stranded. She told me her feelings changed the moment I was sitting in the plain. She doesn’t know what she wants. There is more. There are fears, broken hearts, feelings, dreams and a bunch of other stuff behind this. I get it. Actually, I guess I don’t do.


What can I say? I lost it. I’m somewhere in a Country, where I don’t want to be. No that’s not true. I want to be here. I know what I want. I want her. I want to be here with her — travel with her. I still do. But not like this.


Damn, it hurts.


It’s just stunning, what can happen when you are following your heart. The most wonderful things. Or really painful and sad things.


But this is what life is about. Isn’t it? Love. Struggle. Efforts. Not quite sure, and hopefully not at merely.


I have no idea what I’m going to do right now. I guess, getting back up again and live. Try more.

I try to. Just let me whine for a moment.